Earlier tonight I was perusing the Twitters, and stumbled across the feed of none other than Touré, a man who I had stopped following some months ago. In fairness, when I left the noted writer, I wasn’t aware that he had once interned for Rolling Stone Magazine. Given that Axel Foley used to work there, this guy probably can’t be half bad. Touré also recently appeared as a guest on HBO’s Real Time – which I very much enjoyed – so my unfollow now looks even worse considering this:
Ok, I admit it, despite his one-namedness, this Touré guy has earned my respect. Still, someone has to translate Hunter’s comments for the average NBA fan.
Hunter: “The season is not yet on life support. There’s still time to put on an abbreviated season.”
Translation: “Everyone knows we’ve played a 50-game season before. No one cared back then, even fewer care now.”
Hunter: “The players decision to blow up the union [decertify]was unanimous. They were high-fiving, sayin’ let’s get it on!”
Translation: “I cannot say with certainty what the players said. I was blasting my Marvin Gaye records.”
Hunter: “The owners are scared of Lebron style movement and want to keep players wedded to franchises.”
Translation: “The owners would understandably like a mechanism to avoid getting absolutely screwed by LeBron style defections.”
Hunter: “Maybe we can start our own league. There are faculties where we can do that. Can’t play at MSG but can play at St John’s.”
Translation: “I told the players that the owners don’t own the strips clubs. Heck, we’ll bring in Mike Jarvis and get the girls over to Carnesecca Arena.”
Hunter: “The players missed their first checks today.”
Translation: “I received a s*itload of threatening texts from the players today.”
Hunter: “The NBA is growing very fast in China. It’s the most popular sport. They haven’t converted that into dollars yet.”
Translation: “Ain’t only Buicks selling like hotcakes over in the Mainland. US-China trade deficit? That’s gonna be a thing of the past.”
In all seriousness, these and others of Hunter’s comments today illustrate just how grave the NBA labor situation is, and why no one should expect a quick resolution. It’s one thing for the owners to demand an unlevel-playing field going forward, but if their sights are set on reparations for CBAs-past, the players are absolutely right to resist at all costs.
Feeling optimistic? Me neither.